


What I Think of You

by VerdantMoth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boys Being Boys, Conversations, Getting Together, M/M, Not talking like they should, by which I mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-08-23 14:52:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16621100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VerdantMoth/pseuds/VerdantMoth
Summary: “Do you want me to come over? I’ve got turtle tracks ice cream left. It’ll only be slightly melted by the time I get there.”Yes. I want you to come. I want you to stay. I want you… Arthur sighs. “No. Get some sleep. You’ll already look a right mess. Best if you don’t act one too.”He wants Merlin to offer again, to insist. Merlin hesitates like he might, but then he sniffles into the phone. “Well alright. But if you need me, call. And I’ll just plan on coming by yours after the interview. Ok?”





	1. 1:30 am

Merlin makes him laugh and Arthur needs someone to make him laugh, especially when it's 3am and all he wants to do is hate himself. It seems entirely selfish, calling Merlin this late; calling Merlin the morning of the interview he’s been waiting on.

What is Arthur if not selfish? If not so consumed with himself he’d take scraps from a starving man if it suited him. Not his words, but stolen, of course.

He dials. For a moment he thinks this is it. This is the time Merlin does not answer. But of course, he gets a sleepy “uh’llo?”

“What kind of idiot answers the phone this time of night?”

“The kind who has a best friend prone to crisis?”

Arthur flinches. He hates being Merlin’s best friend, but he can no more change that than he could his own eye color. “I’m not in crisis. You just couldn’t sleep through the bloody dragon roaring.”

There’s some shuffling and he can see Merlin leaning over- miles and miles of smooth cream skin- a ridiculous star studded comforter to turn on a atrocious sword lamp. “So. Do you want to know what I’m wearin to my interview today?”

Arthur scoffs. “Why on earth would I want to know what tragic combination of wrinkled slacks and plaid shirts you’re going to wear, Merlin?”

“Because it soothes your ego to know you’ll always be the better dressed of us. And I’m not wearing plaid thank you. I choose an nice blue polk-a-dot with a silver tie.”

It burns Arthur, the accuracy of the statement. “Did you iron your slacks?”

“Nope!” Merlin pops the “p.”

Arthur sighs, truly put upon. “Merlin. I offered to swing by and do it for you and you insisted you were perfectly capable of doing it yourself.”

“And I am!” Merlin pauses and Arthur narrows his eyes, though he knows his friend cannot see.

“What is is, Merls?”

“It’s just- I was going to wake up early and do it before the interview.” It comes out a tragic rush of jumbled syllables Arthur only understands after years of friendship.

“Oh.” He blinks. “Oh! And now I’ve gone and woken you up too early!”

“No really! It’s okay. It’s not like I’ve ever actually used an iron. I’m just as likely to burn down the apartment as I am to iron my pants.” Merlin is rushing again and it makes Arthur frown.

For a while there is nothing but silence on both ends of the phone call. Finally Merlin huffs a deep breath.

“What happened, Arthur?”

“He broke up with me, Mordred did.”

Merlin snorts. “About time! I never liked him anyway.”

“Yes. Well you always made quite clear what you thought of him.”

“He was shifty! And now he’s gone and broken your heart. I knew he was trouble.” Arthur can hear Merlin getting himself worked up.

“It wasn’t like I tried to keep him around. It wasn’t a terrible break up.”

“Do you want me to come over? I’ve got turtle tracks ice cream left. It’ll only be slightly melted by the time I get there.”

_ Yes. I want you to come. I want you to stay. I want you… _ Arthur sighs. “No. Get some sleep. You’ll already look a right mess. Best if you don’t act one too.”

He wants Merlin to offer again, to insist. Merlin hesitates like he might, but then he sniffles into the phone. “Well alright. But if you need me, call. And I’ll just plan on coming by yours after the interview. Ok?”

Arthur doesn’t answer. Doesn’t say “I’ll always need you.” He just hangs up.

 


	2. 11 pm

He’s drunk. There’s not really anything new about that. Arthur is usually drunk on Saturday. What were Saturdays for if not for being drunk.

What’s unusual to him is that Merlin is also drunk. And rutting against him.

Arthur isn’t sure which one of them is more wasted. His visions is blurring just a bit, colors of the room and Merlin’s atrocious shirt swirling together in a horrid tie-dye monstrosity.

“Why-“

“Shut it, Arthur. And just enjoy this. Please.” Merlin kisses him, hard and sloppy, and rocks against him.

Arthur, curse him, does shut up. He needs to ask questions, to make sure this is more for Merlin, and not just the drinks. Not just Merlin responding to Arthur’s bemoaning his lack of sex lately.

Merlin kisses him again, too wet and off center. “Just- let me do this. Let me help you. Even if I’m not exactly what you’re dreaming of.”

_ But you are. You are my dream and my nightmare every night. I want this, exactly this, if it is what you want as well. _

Arthur cries out against his lips at a particularly pleasant brush of bodies.  He just nods and loses himself in the feel of Merlin.


	3. 2:48 pm

Arthur is waiting at the back corner table in their favorite cafe. The day is sunny and bright with hand painted clouds and singing birds making it both perfect and terrible.

He hadn’t meant to end the call that way. Hadn’t meant for the “love you,” to slip out so carelessly. He hadn’t even noticed until he’d sat down for their usual Wednesday after work gripe session and his brain suddenly went “by the by, pal, that was a different way to end the call”.

Merlin is late. Which is neither unusual nor unexpected. It does however, have Arthur’s stomach in knots as he tries to decide is this usual Merlin late or not coming because Arthur said “love you” Merlin late. Before he can work himself too far into sickness though, he’s assaulted by a neon purple jacket and a cloud of soft black hair.

Merlin slams, as gently as one can slam, two teas onto the table. He’s talking fast, so fast all Arthur can really hear are hints of the names Valiant and Cenred, and Arthur really wonders if his friend can breathe.

“What do you think of me?” Much like his confession earlier, it just slips out.

Merlin pauses in his rant and stares at him. “Mm?”

Arthur doesn’t hesitate this time. “What do you think, of me?”

“I think you’re smart and fearless, despite the fear that you aren’t good enough. I think you’re beautiful and powerful, despite the weakness you see in yourself.”

Arthur nods. It’s not as if he hasn’t been told this before. Most Saturdays Merlin isn’t dry humping him, he’s boosting Arthur’s confidence.

“I think you settle though, too easy for affection. I think you’re afraid no one will ever love you, so you take whatever you can get.” Here, Merlin pauses. “Even though we both know you could get so much more.”

“Ask me.” There is no pause in Arthur’s voice.

“Ask you what?”

“Ask me what I think of you.”

Merlin gives him a curious look. “Arthur. What do you think of me?”

“I think you’re a walking tragedy. I think you have no sense of fashion, you feel too deeply, and sometimes you cry more than a girl would. I think you let people walk over you because it is easier than hurting them and I think you’re clumsy because you live in your head.”

Merlin looks prepared to argue but Arthur holds a hand up. “I think all of that, and yet I still think that you are the most amazing man I have ever met. I think because you feel so deeply you’re kind and empathetic to people. I think there's a grace to you, in how you deal with people, and I think that, despite having your head in the clouds, you’re absolutely brilliant.”   
Arthur hesitates again, wrings his hands together and takes a deep breath. “Mostly though, I think I love you.”

“So that wasn’t a slip of the tongue?” There is a little cheek in the question but Arthur just shrugs.

“Oh, it absolutely was. But it was true, also. Is. It is true.”

Merlin stares at him for a long time and then a grin explodes across his face. “Fuck Arthur. I’ve been waiting a while to hear something like that.”

“Oh?”   
Merlin practically leaps across the table to slam his face into Arthur’s in the least graceful kiss Arthur has ever endured. It is worth it though, when Merlin whispers “Guess I love you too.”


End file.
